


Cecil's Own Angsty Thoughts

by BalloonBalls



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Why can't I write fluff, help me, it's gay I swear, why am i like this, why do i like angst so much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-07
Updated: 2017-06-07
Packaged: 2018-11-10 04:20:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11119806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BalloonBalls/pseuds/BalloonBalls
Summary: Alternate Universe (Is it really an alternate universe at this point? Idk let's roll with it and see what happens) where Cecil has crippling anxiety after the season 1 finale and Carlos is actually a cinnamon roll (wym actually, he IS a cinnamon roll) and trying to be the best like no one ever was.





	Cecil's Own Angsty Thoughts

After the final goodnight everyday, it always was the hardest. It was always difficult to realize that everyone has said goodnight, even saying goodnight to others over the radio, it was still hard. When people say goodnight, it's really just another form of goodbye. When people say goodbye, they're just leaving and when they leave there's no real way you can know when they're coming back. In the end, all anyone can do is stare at their phone, their clock, their door, or anything to wait for their return. 

However, when they say goodnight it's worse than goodbye. When someone says goodbye, it just means they're leaving for any given amount of time and it's fine because they could come back in an hour. Not to mention, if someone really needed them they can reach out to them and shorten the goodbye. Goodnight, the other party doesn't have that type of freedom. When someone says goodnight, that's at least eight hours without them at minimal if they have a good sleeping schedule. What about after they wake up? They won't come right when they wake up, so the other party is forced to not see them for at least eight hours.

Not only that, but if they're sleeping and the other party needs them, they can't go to them because they're sleeping and that would be horribly rude to just wake them up for a petty problem. So what would they do in that situation? Let themselves take care of it. But that can become destructive, and the world is destructive enough. No one needs another destructive person in this destructive world. 

So then, if all of that ends up being the case, what does someone even do? What am I supposed to do about saying goodbye to someone I love? Perfectly imperfect Carlos, the man I love sits before me and still breathing as he did yesterday and the day before that and the day before that. However there was a time where no one was sure if he would get to breathe the next day, the next half day, the next hour, the next half hour, the next minute, second. 

I want to see him, I want to see Carlos. He is my sweet, beautiful Carlos with his perfect hair and to believe there was a time that Carlos was unsure if he would wake up the next morning, if he would ever wake up in the morning. Then to think, what if there is a next time something like this happens? He is a man of science, and science requires experimentation, and experimentation could cause something to go wrong. What if he does an experiment and something goes wrong? And I'm stuck in my booth once again, unable to do nothing but report the happenings once again. 

As much as I hate to say, Nightvale itself is not a very safe place. Then again, there is no place that is truly safe in this world, so I suppose we are no acceptation to the laws of Earth. Carlos said goodnight only an hour prior, sweet and beautiful Carlos, but I...want him to sit next to me. I wonder, would he be upset with me if I just...called him? No, that's rude, that's quite rude and inconsiderate. Is it really that bad to want to see him anyway?

I just hope that he is okay tomorrow, that I get to see his perfect face again. I never want to feel that feeling again, that feeling that I lost the one I love. Even though it was only for a moment, a singular moment, it was the most gut-wrenching moment of my entire life. I can't sit here like this, I'm just sitting here once again in silence as Carlos is alone and I have no idea if he's alright or not. I can't even tell anyone in the world of these feelings because, well, I have already said goodnight and it would be rude to keep the broadcast station up just so I can discuss to a microphone about my life complications. 

My eyes refuse to close at this point, even though it's far past the time for me to sleep, my thoughts keep rushing through my head and I can't seem to stop them. I hate to bother Carlos with this, poor Carlos, but I just need to see him. These thoughts just won't stop and I can't sleep and I just can't get rid of them. I want to see him, I want to see Carlos. 

It's probably rude of me to even consider calling him and hearing his adorable sleepy voice when he picks up, such a beautiful sound to hear. I wish I could just hear him over the phone at least just once tonight, maybe it would put my mind at rest. Maybe then I could finally get some sleep and stop thinking about beautiful Carlos. Beautiful Carlos' ability to just...disappear and my inability to do a thing about it. 

Suddenly, a ring sounded through my home. My ring, my phone ring, I was receiving a phone call. From who, though? It was late, and no one should be awake at this hour. I was the abnormal one, so who else joins me at this hour? I grab my phone off my nightstand, the sudden burst of light practically blinding me, and look at the caller ID. Carlos? What is Carlos doing at this hour calling me? Still awake? He was supposed to be asleep by now. I hope he's okay. Is he okay? Did something happen to him? Is he okay? 

I answer the phone in a panic. "Hello?" I ask through the phone mic. "Cecil, why are you awake? You don't even sound tired." Carlos' beautiful voice rang through my ears, filling me with a beautiful sense of relief and happiness. "I feel like I should ask you the same." I say, and he pauses for a moment. Did I say something wrong? Did I upset him? Is he okay? Is he upset? Is he upset with me?

"Carlos-?" "Yeah, sorry, I'm here. I just, couldn't sleep and so I thought maybe I could see if you were up too." Now it is my turn to take the pause before speaking. Why couldn't he sleep? Is he okay? Did I upset him and now he can't sleep because I upset him? "Why couldn't you sleep?" I ask quietly. He takes in a deep breath, then speaks. "I was thinking about you. I wanted to call you earlier, actually, but I was afraid you were sleeping." he says before yawning quietly. He is truly caring, perfect, amazing for me, to me. The most perfectly beautiful.

"Hey Cecil?' He asks me, a shiver running down my spine when he says my name. It sounds so beautiful when he says my name, so right. "Yes, Carlos?" I ask him, and I can hear him taking a sharp breath. "Are you alright? Why aren't you asleep?" Carlos asks me, before breathing out the sharp breath he had taken in. I swallow, what am I supposed to even say? 'I'm not sleeping because I fear that one moment I will actually wake up and I will never be able to hear your voice again so I can't sleep so I can forever savor every moment we've had together'? He can't really think I'll tell him that. 

"I just couldn't sleep for some reason." I say, clearing my throat. Carlos stays silent for a moment before sighing, the sound of his breath sending shivers down my spine once again. "Cecil, would it be inappropriate for me to suggest that I come over?" Carlos asks. Come over? Come over, here? To my house? At this hour of the night? But...why? Is he coming to tell me something? To show me something? What could that even mean anyway? I must've done something wrong. 

"That would not be inappropriate at all." I say, tapping my finger against my bed sheets. "May I come over?" Carlos asks, and I can't help but smile. Whether it be a nervous smile or a happy smile, I cannot tell. "You may." I say, and I hear another breath being taken. "Okay, I'm on my way. Bye Cecil." Carlos says before hanging up the phone. Oh no, he's coming over. That did not sound good at all. 

Is something wrong? Something must be wrong. Something must be wrong and I must've upset him and he must be coming here to tell me off. This is his way of breaking things off with me and I can't let things break off like this. Maybe he'll give me another chance, maybe I will be able to wake up the next morning and he will still be here and willing to talk to me tomorrow. Maybe this won't be a final goodbye. Maybe. But it could be. 

I roll over on my side and turn my lamp on, letting the light illuminating my dark room. I should probably turn the lights on in the other rooms in my house. Sliding my legs out from under the sheets of my bed, I stand, my limbs stretching. I can't believe Carlos is coming over, is he really coming over? I shuffle over to the bedroom door, opening it up and being welcomed with complete darkness. 

I sigh, moving forward through the hallway. What if he's here to deliver bad news to me? What if he was up not because he was thinking about me, but because he was thinking of a way to tell me he doesn't want me around anymore? What if he doesn't want me around anymore? What if he's getting sick and tired of me? What if he just wants me to disappear? Does he want me to just disappear? 

I make my way over towards the end of the hall, the living room in full, dark view. Everything is dark, and I'm groping through to find where the light switch is. Turning to the right wall, I faintly make out the three light switches sitting neatly next to each other in a nice little row. I shuffle over towards them and hit the middle switch, the fan light turning on and illuminating majority of the house. 

I then turn my direction over to the front door. I should unlock the front door, shouldn't I? Nightvale gets rather cold during the night and Carlos shouldn't even get the slightest discomfort, even if he is planning on telling me he wants to disappear from my life. I shuffle over to the front door and unlock it. But, do I really want to unlock it? If I unlock it that means he has the ability to tell me he doesn't want me around anymore. 

Should I open the door then? If I do then that means he will come in here and tell me he hates me. Will I even be able to go on if he hates me? Should I just lock the door again and pretend he never called? But that would be selfish. I should probably keep the door unlocked and hear what he has to say, consideration is key to a good relationship. But what if he actually ends it? Then consideration won't do a thing.

Maybe he'll consider changing his mind? Maybe I can make him change his mind about breaking up with me. Maybe tonight is my only chance I can convince him. Maybe tonight is the only night I'll get to see him besides cold glances down the street when we accidentally pass each other. I don't want that to happen, I don't want Carlos to think of me as a bad memory, or someone that should've happened in his life. Is that really thinks of me? I don't want him to think of me like that. Carlos, please don't hate me. 

I feel something clouding in both my eyes, something like tears. I...I feel tears forming under my eyes, staring blankly at the front door. My hands, they feel like they're shaking and I can't control the shaking. I don't know what's going on, this hasn't happened since that time when Carlos almost died. Then I hear it, the sound of a car pulling up into the driveway. I take a sharp breath, he can't see me like this. Then he'll surely leave me. 

I hear him, I hear the car door closing and his footsteps approaching my front door. I'm not ready, I'm not ready, I can't do this, I can't do this, I'm not ready, Carlos don't come in here. Carlos please stay behind that door, please stay behind that door, don't look at me Carlos, please don't look at me. I am a mess and I can't stop, Carlos do not open the door. 

"Cecil?" Carlos asks, opening the front door and poking his head in. Tears are now streaming down my face because I know this is the beginning of the end of it all and I'm just not ready. "Carlos..." I say, unable to control the tears falling down my cheeks. Carlos' eyes, they're upset. Not upset...concerned. He closes the door behind him and wastes no time. 

He approaches me, but not in the calmness he always has. He's rushed it feels, maybe panicked. He walks over to me, which is a mere few steps but it still is the quickest I've ever seen him move, and he pulls me into the tightest embrace I've ever felt. "Cecil, why haven't you been sleeping?" He asks me in a calming, soothing voice. My tears are falling, soiling the night shirt he wears but still looks perfect in. 

"Carlos...don't leave me." I whisper in the most, well, pathetic voice I've ever made and nuzzled my forehead into his shoulder, his scent filling my nose, a perfect scent that fits perfectly to his perfectness. "Cecil, what would make you think I was going to leave you?" Carlos asked, squeezing me tighter. "I just...I was worried that you wouldn't want to see me again. I thought that maybe you had changed your mind and wanted to just stop this all together-" "Cecil. What on earth has made you think like this?" Carlos let go of me, then placing his hands on my shoulders and looking me in the eyes. He was serious. 

"I just...I don't know. I'm sorry Carlos. I'm sorry that every time you leave me alone I just can't handle it and I'm so sorry and I just hate that you always have to do this for me all the time. I'm so sorry." I whine, my eyes still flowing with tears. If he wasn't going to break up with me before, he surely will now. Seeing as how pathetic I really am. "Well, then I just won't leave you alone anymore." Carlos mumbled softly before leaning in and placing a soft kiss on my lips. 

"Carlos..." I mumble, longing for his touch. "I won't go away, Cecil. No matter what, I'll keep coming back here all the time and spending as many moments here as I can. I will be with you for as long as you want me here, and I hope that will be forever. I promise you, everything will be okay." Carlos smiled, and I just couldn't help but smile too. "Thank you, Carlos." I say, wrapping my arms around his shoulders and keeping him close to me. "Hey, Cecil?" Carlos asked, wrapping his arms around my waist. "Yes, Carlos?" I ask in return.

"Would it be rude if I asked to spend the night?" Carlos asked, and I squeezed him tightly. "It would be a pleasure if you stay the night." I say, smiling happily.


End file.
